He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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