Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You ruined the universe
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize