he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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