I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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