i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
