even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
