btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
