she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
