If i come over, it means nothing
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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