I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Found the puke drawer
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
