theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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