thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
