NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
