Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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