Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
