You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
