How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
