Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
