just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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