Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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