We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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