dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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