he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
