You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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