Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
