I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
