Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
