a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
