My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize