I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
