I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
