Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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