My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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