Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
