Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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