Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize