I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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