Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
