I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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