man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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