Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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