Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
