Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
