If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
