It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize