If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We were destined to go to rehab together
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
