do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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