Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
