Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You need a sexual gate keeper
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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