Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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