I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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