yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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