I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
