Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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