I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
