People in love make me want to vomit
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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