So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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