I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
is that a dick in a sweater?
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