My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
