i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
