I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I skipped work to stalk him.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
