So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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