I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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