Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
