Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize