My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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