During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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