my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
