So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
