apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
