You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize